Trembling With Fear 04/01/2018

Big Bang Bobby

I met Bobby in the basement of the empty house on Wilten Street, where the police don’t look because the whole neighborhood has been abandoned—by God, at least, if not by the government. It wasn’t bright down there, in a same-but-different way from how he’s not bright. We almost didn’t see each other. He said I’m a glowing thing in a light world, and he was a shadowy thing in a dark one.

There were lots of shadows in the basement, but shadows are just not-light. He’s un-light. Bobby is a darkness so complete that if you look into his heart, you see stars.

We only met because my stomach growled. I’d curled up under a broken window, letting the cool breeze rock me to sleep, when my emptiness announced my presence

“Who’s there?” The voice had no substance—just an echo, infinite and hollow.

“I’m Alex… Are you Death?” Death came for my parents years ago. I’d been waiting.

“No. I’m Bobby.”

A shadow darker than any other peeled itself from the wall, stepping toward me. He smiled. I think I did too.

Bobby seemed okay. Just okay. When he didn’t want to be seen, he pretended to be my shadow, and when I didn’t want to be seen, he did something to people so they couldn’t see me. They’d get this glassy look, space out, look right through me and the whole world until they didn’t see anything. We used this trick to stay happy. Trick is, I was hungry. He was angry. So, so angry. I’d sneak a hot dog from a cart, or shove a pack of waffles under my jacket. He didn’t eat my waffles, though. We’d have fought if he did. No, he fed on… something else.

I don’t pretend to know what he ate, but every time he disappeared, and somebody got that spacey look on their face, he came back less angry. He came back sleepy and sated, like me after a big meal, while the person he’d possessed turned to scream at a cashier over expired coupons, or spank a child who just wanted to stop and look at some toys.

This made me feel bad, but not enough to stop him. For all I knew, they were fine again soon. I told myself it was temporary, the same way he’d calm for a little while, then the dark of his body would bubble like boiling ink and we’d set out into the world to find a new target.

Once, I hung around a bookstore where some science guy was giving a guest reading from his book. He said everything in the whole universe comes from The Big Bang, and that we’re all made from the scraps of exploded stars. I think Bobby is still burning.

We kept this up, me and Bobby, for weeks. A few months have gone by, but I keep getting hungry, and he keeps getting angry. There’s too much in him, and not enough in me, and there’s an ache in my chest for all the people I’ve seen screamed at after he gets involved.

The after effects started getting worse, too. One time, a mom turned right around and slapped her kid in the face when he asked if they could have chicken nuggets for dinner. Called him “a filthy little brat.” A food truck owner got so mad he punched his own grill, burning his hand. A priest wound up on the news later for killing one of his church members.

Anger might be temporary, but death sure isn’t. All this comes from just a few seconds with Bobby inside them. He only had the priest for five. Five seconds. Then someone died.

I’m looking up at Bobby now, and he’s looking down.

“What’s wrong?” His words never really seem to end, like each word lasts forever.

“I’m cold.” A little true, at least. My fingers are turning blue. “There’s no heat.”

He shrugs. He doesn’t feel cold. Only rage.

A week back, I stole an old woman’s phone. Had to. Needed the way to call other people. Tonight, I only have one call to make. I punch in 9-1-1.

“There’s a crazy guy. Kid, I think. He’s got a gun. 154 Wilten Street.” That’s all I need to say. Then I hang up.

“That’s where we are.” Bobby looks sad. Maybe for both of us.

“Yeah. I think… I think we should… That you should do, you know, that thing you do. To me. I’m not sure how to say it.” There’s a lot to say that neither of us can. He stares at me, unending, all the universe and all its stars within him, burning away. We both know this is it. He’s got everything within him, and I’ve been empty for years.

This is the only time I’ve seen him hesitate.

I insist.