Unholy Trinity: Arnie Apples: Be My Bride, Birdie Benton! by Patrick Winters

Our church worships at the altar of the Unholy Trinity. Its gospels are delivered as a trio of dark drabbles, linked so that Three become One. All hail the power of the Three.

This is the final instalment of Patrick Winters’ Unholy Trinity serial.

Arnie Apples: Be My Bride, Birdie Benton!


(Love)Sick Puppy

It was a real gas for Arnie, being his own man, out in the real world. But after a while, his spirits took a nosedive. Dropping bricks from rooftops, cutting brake lines, and all his other antics were fun enough, but not when he was the only one laughing.

He started to miss his friends from his comic strip, who’d laughed plenty with him. Most of all, he missed his sweetheart, Birdie Benton. What a doll! A figure that’d make a monk cry and a smile to win the heart.

If only there were a way to get her back…


Arnie Went a-Courtin’

The sweet thing who worked at the corner cafe would do just fine.

Arnie brought her home one night and began his little experiment. A mix of sweet talk, tough love, and conditioning.

He had her read his old strips, learning her role, and even used some of the same “adjustments” the Nazi’s had used on his buddy William when he was a POW, reinforcing it all.

In between the shocks, cuts, and screams, he’d dance with her, playing a record of “Says My Heart” by the Andrews Sisters.

Three weeks later, she finally said it: she was his Birdie.


Tying the Knot/s

Birdie was at his side again, but that wasn’t enough for Arnie. He proposed to her almost immediately, declaring his undying love for her.

She accepted, through rivers of tears.

They had the ceremony as soon as possible, held in their apartment, with only a kidnapped priest and a witness present. After the “I do’s” were shared, they celebrated. They shoved cake down their witness’ throat, and instead of throwing Birdie’s bouquet, they tossed the priest off a roof; whoever was hit with the most blood spatter below would be next to marry.

The perfect start to a wonderful marriage…


Patrick Winters

Patrick Winters is a graduate of Illinois College in Jacksonville, IL, where he earned a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing. His work has now been featured throughout several magazines and anthologies. A full list of his previous publications may be found at his author’s site, if you are so inclined to know: http://wintersauthor.azurewebsites.net/Publications/List

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