Author: Ken MacGregor

Not that I actually have either fame or fortune, but it sounded like a good title.

I’ve had a lot of pretty funny things happen to me since I started submitting to publishers (just typed “puglishers” there, but changed it because I don’t want to talk about squash-faced canines with chronic asthma).

It’s Anecdote Time!

Okay, so once I submitted to an anthology of seven deadly sins. Competition was tough, because they were only going to pick one story for each sin. Seven stories total. I chose “sloth” because I figured no one else would. After all, how can you write anything interesting/exciting about sloth? I asked a guy, a friend, who was kind of like a muse to me back then when I was still struggling to figure shit out, for help. He said, “Why don’t you have the character playing a video game and be too lazy to get off the couch, even though he’s in danger?”

Boom. A bomb went off in my head. I promised him my firstborn (who was pissed and refused to go) and hit the keyboard. I was on fire. I kicked out the story all at once, in a rush. It flowed out of me like arterial blood.

I read it over, edited the obvious screw-ups, sent it to my (then) muse and he gave me notes. I rewrote the end so it was tighter and sent it in.

Moments after, I double-checked the guidelines to make sure I had done everything right. This is a really, colossally stupid time to do that. Nowadays, I check before I hit send on the email or upload the file to Submittable. Ah well. Live and learn. Anyway, my tale for sloth came in about 400 words short of the minimum count. Shit! I was screwed. I spent several minutes panicking, thinking the publisher would be angry and would tell every other publisher in the world that I was unprofessional and that I was not to be trusted. Ever.

Then, figuring, what the hell, they’re going to reject it anyway, I sent them an email. I said, “Hi. I just sent you a story about sloth, but it comes in well short of your minimum word-count. I’m gonna plead that I was just too damn lazy to write anymore.”

I wrote it off as a learning experience and moved on to the next thing. But … and this is the cool part. They emailed me back. They said I had made them laugh, and that was pretty rare for them. So, they’d read it, even though it was short.

Two weeks later, they accepted it. My story, Deadweight, appeared in the anthology For All Eternity by Dark Opus Press. Available on Amazon, just in case you want to read it (it’s also in my story collection, An Aberrant Mind, along with a story about a bagel that is profoundly disturbing). It was one of my earliest sales for actual money. A penny a word. $13.65 total.

I had arrived.

What I took from this experience were two things: first, writing the piece that is harder can be a good exercise. And, second, it doesn’t hurt to have a good sense of humor about the whole process.

Sometimes, it’s easy to focus on getting your work out there, to try to get your foot in the door, to make a name for yourself. It’s easy to forget, especially when almost all our communication is done through email or websites, that there is a human being on the other end. A person who likes a good laugh, just like I do. Moments like this one help me to remember that. This is a good thing.

All right. That’s it for now. I have a ton of stuff to talk about, but I don’t want Kerry to think I’m gunning for his current position of third place.

Ken MacGregor 2016

I’m new here, so I guess introductions are in order.

Hi. I’m Ken.

I was first introduced to HorrorTree by my friend and some-time collaborator Kerry G.S. Lipp. Those of you who come here a lot probably know who he is. I first ran into Kerry by eerily showing up in the same anthologies again and again. I liked his writing style, and how he never pulled any punches. He seemed fearless. I thought that was pretty cool.

So, anyway, long story short, I asked Kerry if he’d like to work on a story with me. I’d never written with another person, and neither had he, but we gave it a shot. I had something I’d started, but didn’t know what to do with, and sent it to him.

He liked it, wrote some more on the story and sent it back. Pretty soon, we had a pretty good finished piece. It was weird, original, pretty gross and quite funny. We went back through the thing, editing it and making sure it didn’t suck. Then, well, we sold it. Sweet.

So, I asked Kerry, “Hey, that was cool. You want to do it again?”

He said he did, and I sent him another thing I’d started, but didn’t know what to do with. He liked this one, too, and we started banging out words, roughly 2,000 at a time each.

At one point, we noticed it had gone beyond most normal short story length, but we were having fun, so we didn’t really worry about it. Then, it passed novella length, and we were like, “hey, that’s cool. We wrote a novella.”.

Then, somehow, we broke 50,000 words.

We had written a novel. A short one, but still. We went through the whole beta reader/editing process, tightening the book up as much as we could, and then, boom, we sold that one, too.

We’ve done another short since then, and are a bunch of words into the sequel to the novel. It’s very cool. I don’t know if I could work with another writer or not, but Kerry and I just seem to gel.

So, back to the point of the whole thing: Kerry introduced me to this site, and I’ve found some great markets here (some of which have turned into pretty lucrative opportunities). I’ve decided to give something back by tossing some words out for the HorrorTree readers.

Judging by the length of my introduction, a hell of a lot of words.

Here are some things I’ve learned in the last five years of submitting my stuff to publishers, in no particular order:

1. Be patient. Publishers sometimes take a really long time to get back to you. They’re busy people. Just wait. Seriously. This business will drive you nuts if you can’t cultivate some patience.
2. Speaking of publishers, they all know one another. It’s kinda creepy actually. So, be nice. Be polite. You may not be remembered for being polite, but you will definitely be remembered for being a dick.
3. You’re never good enough. I don’t mean you suck. I mean you should always try to improve. Read books about writing. Read good books. Read bad books (so you know what not to do). Read in and out of your preferred genre. Really, just read. A writer who doesn’t read exists in a vacuum. Creativity dies a horrible, imploding, messy death in a vacuum.
4. Write as much as you can. For some people, this is 10,000 words a day. I hate those people. For some, it’s 300 words a day. Some days, you won’t write. That’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up. Some days, putting down the words is like pulling teeth. It happens. Try to do it anyway. If you get too frustrated, do something else for a while. Read a little. Go for a walk. Rub yourself on your partner’s leg like a dog. Don’t tell them I suggested it. You’re on your own.
5. Get into it. If you’re writing something gruesome (and most of you write horror, right?), embrace the shudder of revulsion. If you’re writing sex, that shit should turn you on. If someone walks in on you writing sex, you should turn bright red and have to adjust your pants (or whatever women do that is the equivalent of that move. Wriggle in their seats? Cross their legs? I honestly don’t know. The only time I see women turned on is when we’re both naked, and frankly, I’m not paying attention to anything but getting her off in spectacular fashion).
6. Which brings us to the next topic. Be honest when you write. I don’t mean display your dirty little secrets to the world. But, kind of I do. Real moments in your life should bleed into your fiction. Things that actually happen make great story fodder. Don’t use real names though. You can get sued. Not cool.
7. Ask other writers for help. Say, “I’m floundering and I have no idea what I’m doing!” We’ve all been there. When I started doing this, I was amazed at how many other (seriously experienced) writers were happy to help me. I’ve tried to pass it on as best I can, too. It’s like the circle of life, only with less lion shit on the ground.

All right. That’s enough for my first time. Stuart’s probably gonna be pissed that I rambled on this much. I’ll come back and yak at you some more if you want. If you don’t, that’s cool, too. I have a fuckin’ novel to write, man. I’d be happy to be doing that instead.

Get the words out. Later.