(Disclaimer: Please note that these mock horoscopes are meant for entertainment only, and are not meant to be taken as actual advice, past/present/future predictions, or in any factual, accurate, or truthful context. These horoscopes are completely fictional as a piece of creative writing, and are based on fictional scenarios, and are not meant to be accurate representations of actual people and their life situations, and/or representative of people who consider themselves to be under the guidance of these astrological signs. These horoscopes are also not meant to be considered in any astrological, actual, and/or verified scientific or psychological capacity. Meaning I made them all up out of my imagination, so please don’t make any major—or even minor—life decisions based on these horoscopes. Human zombies don’t exist. Yet.)
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