How do you inspire others when you aren’t even inspired yourself? The words start and stutter like water trying to come out of an old faucet that hasn’t been used in years. But there are words. That’s the important thing.
As the words dribble and drip in to the paper I try to find a way to neatly arrange them to make sense. And be inspirational. Which is no mean feat after this past week. But what can you do when tragedy strikes but get up and keep trying? Each day, each hour, each moment is a step away from the tragedy. The further you get away the less it hurts, the less it overwhelms.
I have thought more than once these past few weeks about throwing my hands up and chucking it all in. Then I thought about those I love and how it would affect them. Was I being selfish if they wanted to help by throwing it all away? Yep. But no one can help if no ones knows.
So I tried to share my story with friends and family to let them know I was hurting. This is hard if you are an independent person and just want to be left alone. There are times I feel like I’m looking for sympathy when I tell people things like that even though I’m not. I just want people to know why I am acting the way I am.
Not very inspiring I know but I also know that the day will come when it doesn’t hurt so much. The sun will be shining and it will be a balmy 80F.
It will happen.
I just have to take that first step toward the sun.
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